It's been a long time since I've posted anything on our blog, and part of the reason why was because our lives got very full. Shannon began taking classes again in 2014-15 to complete his Masters (he finished summer of 2015, woohoo!) and in the fall of 2014, we began the process of adopting our daughter, which took quite a bit of paperwork and time. We also had the privilege of fostering her during some of that time. Throughout our adoption process, our agency wanted us to be careful and cautious about not posting anything personal about Maddie, so I decided to take a break from our blog since so much of our year was about bringing her home. But now we are home, and we can share! This is a long love story, but if you're up for reading why our family decided to adopt and how Maddie came to be our daughter, here's the full story. You can also check out the video that shows in pictures what I've posted here. Just a note about the video, it may not play on some mobile devices.
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In the spring of 2013, we met a smiley little four month old named Long, Xiao Qun (we kept her middle name, pronounced ‘Choon’, and called her by that until the adoption was complete) from Xining, China. Our good friends, the Thompsons, were fostering her in Hong Kong. She had traveled here through the help of Christian Action, a wonderful nonprofit organization that among many other things, provides medical treatment and care to orphaned children.
Qun was born with a medical condition called arthrogryposis multiplex congenita, which causes her joints to be crooked, and she has limited and fixed range of motion due to weak or missing muscles. I got to see Qun pretty regularly that spring since her foster mom and I were in the same moms group. I remember how she loved to interact with people. One morning when her foster mom went downstairs to help our kids get off to preschool, I watched Qun for a couple minutes upstairs in her home. Qun had recently acquired casts on her arms and legs because of surgeries that helped position her arms and legs better, and I remember how she thumped her casts up and down on their floors. As she looked up at me and smiled and giggled while she lay on their colorful baby quilt, I just fell in love with her. I loved her with the same deep love that I had for my other two kids when they were born, and my heart just swelled.
It took us more than a year from that point to build up the courage to dive into the journey of adoption and all that it entails, but God opened our eyes by gently teaching us through friends that had or were adopting. He instilled the deep knowing in me that Qun needed a family that would love her fully and forever. I desired to be her mama so much, but I was so scared. I was scared of the financial cost of adoption, I was scared of her medical condition and care because I didn’t really know much about it, and I was scared of changing our little family of four. But I remember coming to a point where I just wept and said, “Okay, Lord” because he had so deeply burdened my heart with the knowing that she was supposed to be ours that I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I loved her so very much and I am so thankful that I finally listened to my Abba Father. I believe there are times in life where God urges your heart to move, but ultimately we have the choice to move towards the best He has in store for us or settle for just what we think is good. When we say “yes,” it’s incredible to see what God does.
After talking and praying through the decision with Shannon, we began the path to make our dreams a reality in September of 2014. During this time God continued to affirm our steps by making it known that her care would be provided for. However, we were told by a Hong Kong adoption agency (at the time the only agency we thought we could work with) that because we didn’t meet the financial requirements for the adoption application, the Chinese adoption authorities would not accept it. We were so discouraged that our journey had come to a halt so quickly. Also, because we were trying to adopt a specific child that we had prior contact with, it made our situation difficult. The agency we had contacted said that they had not had any success in the past in similar situations such as ours.
I did a lot of crying in those early weeks. At that point, we thought we would have to wait at least two years just to meet the requirements simply to begin the application process, and then another year to complete the adoption process. I’ll never forget when I shared my frustration with a dear friend, how she prayed for me and later wrote me a card. I don’t remember exactly what the card said, but her words of hope encouraged me more than she’ll ever know and gave me the faith to keep going and researching other options when it seemed like we were at a dead end.
Soon after that conversation, we were able to get connected to a social worker in China (who had seven adopted children of her own!) that worked for a different US adoption agency. She not only informed us that financial waivers were a possibility, but she personally knew Qun because she lived in Xining and worked with the local orphanage where Qun was from! Her agency said that securing Maddie’s file would be very complicated and without any guarantees, but that they were always up for a challenge. I was so excited to know that someone had told us that hope was a real possibility! I was also deeply encouraged to know that our social worker was a Christian who prayed for Qun and her family to find their way to each other even before we formally began the process to adopt her.
Our agency was able to obtain Qun’s file on November 5, 2014, which meant that we could start the application process. Right before Christmas of that year we received pre-approval to adopt her!
The next month we had the extra blessing of getting to foster Qun for five weeks when she came back to Hong Kong for medical treatment through Christian Action. As we prepared for her stay in January 2015, I was a bundle of nerves since this was the first time she would ever stay in our home. I wondered what she would think of us, our food and language, if she would like us and feel comfortable with our family, whether she would able to understand any of the little Mandarin that we learned, but we didn’t need to be concerned. Qun was as happy and eager to play with Josiah and Ava as they were with her and she started calling me “Mama” before I could even wonder about what I should have her call me.
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First day we fostered Maddie
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During that month, through lots of physiotherapy and hard work, we had the joy of seeing Qun learn how to sit up from laying down AND take her first independent steps at two years old. To be able to have that privilege of watching those firsts was such a wonderful thing. When the time came in February to give her back to her foster mom in Xining, it was incredibly hard to say goodbye. People have asked me what the hardest part of the process was, and that was probably one of the most painful moments for me. However, we were so thankful that we had the opportunity to have her in our home. I also had the pleasure of meeting Qun’s foster mother from Xining at the airport in China and to see her walk from my arms into hers. I was not permitted to tell her that we were in the process of adopting Qun, but I could thank her for all the loving care she had and was going to provide her in the months to come.
After Qun left, I ached to know what she was doing each month; if she was progressing in all that she had learned, to see how she was growing and changing. I longed to be able to kiss and hug her. The waiting continued as winter turned to spring and then summer came. In late summer of 2015 when we thought we would be receiving good news that we were nearing the end of the adoption process, we found out instead that there were problems that were going to require our documents be returned to Hong Kong for extra paperwork. I was crushed and didn’t understand why our adoption process had to be delayed when we wanted her to come home so very badly, and I questioned whether God knew what He was doing.
I wish I could say in the midst of this process that I was a woman of faith who trusted that God would work out the little details. The truth is that I worried, fretted, and stressed the whole way through the fourteen months that it took to bring our daughter home. It was especially during that summer that Shannon would remind me, “Carol, you know she’s going to come home, right? You know that God will do it, right?” And I wish I could tell you that I responded with, “Yes, I absolutely do!” But instead I was filled with fear and tears that we would lose her or that something wouldn’t work out. I want to give excuses as to why my fear was justified, but I won’t. The truth is that I married a man that trusts in God, and I am so blessed to have a husband that looks at life with calm and without worry because of it. There are many lessons I learned through this adoption process, and one of the things I was reminded of was just what an incredible husband I have and how much more growing I need to do in my faith.
In hindsight, it’s not surprising that the delays in our adoption process actually ended up being a blessing. On Sept 22, 2015 we got matched to Qun, which meant that we got a letter from Beijing seeking confirmation that we wanted to adopt Qun. We rejoiced at the news, but it still meant that we would need to wait a couple more months to go to China. Since our adoption process wasn't complete, we were able to receive approval to foster Maddie again from the Xining Civil Affairs Bureau and the Qinghai Provincial Department at the beginning of October for six weeks when she came to Hong Kong through Christian Action. And because Christian Action was her legal guardian while she was in Hong Kong and we were just her foster parents, they were able to fund two surgeries, therapy, and treatment for Qun that fall. She went through a successful eight hour surgery to remove a muscle from her back and relocate it into her right arm so that she could have a bicep muscle. Christian Action not only graciously let me be Qun’s main caregiver, even paying for a bed for me to sleep on next to her in the hospital, but they let our family make final decisions regarding her surgery and care.
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First night she returned to our home
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In November, when Qun’s visa was about to expire, Christian Action was able to receive permission again from Qinghai and the immigration department in Hong Kong to extend her visa another six weeks. We found out three days before she was scheduled to leave that she would be allowed to stay, and we were thrilled! The visa extension meant so many extra blessings. It meant that Qun could remain with our family until we were permitted to travel to Qinghai to finalize her adoption in December. That meant we never had to say goodbye and could spend the next month continuing to bond with our daughter until we could make it official. It meant that we were able to celebrate Qun’s 3rd birthday with her, which was just a couple days after she was originally supposed to leave. It meant that Christian Action was able to provide the funds for another minor surgery for her. Five weeks after her arm surgery, Qun’s foot doctor did surgery on her toes and achilles tendons, which were very tight and couldn’t be corrected with physical therapy or stretching. The surgery was successful and opened up her toes so she could balance and walk better. All of these extra blessings God had prepared for us, and they were possible because of the delay in our paperwork. What I had seen just months before as frustrating news, I now understood as God’s perfect timing and gracious provision for our family.
In that same month, Christian Action had a big anniversary dinner, and they brought Qun’s foster mother from Xining to Hong Kong to attend the dinner. Since she was here for an entire week, we had the opportunity to spend time with her foster mom in the mornings. We got to show her around Hong Kong, and I got to learn more about the wonderful woman that had cared for her over the past three years, as well as what it was like to have Qun in her home. This was the same week that we found out that Qun would be able to stay continuously with us. Our happy news was sad news for Qun's foster mother, who loved Qun so much and had expected to be able to take her back to Xining with her. It was also the first time she learned that we would be adopting Qun. Seeing things from her perspective made me truly appreciate all the foster parents out there that love the children that are in their care until their forever families bring them home, and how hard it must be for them when they have to say goodbye. We are incredibly thankful for all the love that Qun’s foster family poured into her over the past three years and are glad that we can continue to keep in touch with them.
In early December, four weeks after Qun’s foot surgery, the doctor took her foot casts off and the next day we flew to China to finalize her adoption. Even the fact that we were able to do that was a tremendous answer to prayer. Before that point, we had already booked our tickets to the States for Christmas, where we would need to go in order to get Qun's US passport after we left China. When we booked our tickets, we thought there would be plenty of time to complete the adoption process before we headed to the States. However, because Qun's casts needed to stay on for four weeks and her doctor was only available to take them off on Monday, December 7th, the same day we were originally supposed to start the final process in China to adopt Qun, we had a problem.
You see, when you adopt a child from China, the adoption authorities will only start the final process on a Monday because the process takes a full five days. And in the ten years our social worker has done adoptions, Chinese authorities have always started the process on a Monday. We could not possibly get her casts taken off and fly to Xining to start the process in less than a day. So when we asked if we could come the next day on a Tuesday, and explained that she would be getting her casts taken off on Monday, we got a firm "No". The Chinese adoption authorities told us that we would need to wait until the following week to start the adoption process, which meant that we would need to change our tickets to the US and we would be spending Christmas in China instead of with our families in the US like we had hoped.
This was frustrating news and up to this point, we had prayed that the timing of everything would work out. We were so very close, but neither the doctor nor the Chinese adoption authorities said they could change those dates. That weekend was Thanksgiving weekend, and I didn't feel like being thankful. A good friend of mine spoke with me and told me that she was still praying that we would somehow be able to go on Tuesday, December 8th. I told her that we had already received the final no as an answer, but she said she was going to continue praying that it would be changed to a yes.
Guess what happened? At the beginning of the next week, our agency told us that they had changed their minds and were going to allow us to come on a Tuesday after all. It was one of those unbelievable moments where you shake your head and go, "Wow." So many people prayed for us throughout this entire journey, even when I stopped praying because something just seemed too impossible to change. I am grateful that we have incredible friends and family, and an even more amazing God.
There are so many other stories about how God provided for our family and blew us away with His goodness once we headed to mainland China, but I'll have to share that on a separate post. On December 8, we flew to Xining and on December 10, Qun became Madeline (Maddie) and officially became our daughter! We chose the name Madeline for her because we thought it was a beautiful name and it means “strength giving.” We spent a couple more weeks in China to finish adoption paperwork and flew to Chicago right before Christmas to get Maddie’s US passport and to introduce her to our family. We spent three wonderful weeks introducing her to both sides of our family and in January, we came HOME.
Lastly, we end this lengthy post with gratitude for the many people that provided a loving home to our daughter until she could come home to us. One of the greatest gifts we received along the way was getting to meet every single person that has ever cared for our daughter. It is a tremendous blessing that we don’t take for granted, and we can't put in words how thankful we are for all the people below that made the choice to serve, love, and care for our daughter. From the time Maddie was born until she came home to us, God provided these wonderful people that loved her.
- Her parents, who gave her life, and who we discovered made sure she was safe and cared for until she was found
- The woman that took care of Maddie for five days when she was a newborn until police were able to take her to the orphanage in the capital city
- Caregivers at the local orphanage, who cared for Maddie from when she was a newborn until she was three months old
- Melanie Case and her family, who took care of Maddie for five days when she first came to Hong Kong at three months old and needed a ffoster family
- Emily Thompson and her family, who fostered Maddie in Hong Kong from three to six months old, and then again at nine months old
- Sarah Kong and her family, who fostered Maddie in Hong Kong from twelve to eighteen months old
- Kang Peng and her family, who fostered Maddie in Xining from six months old until she was almost three
- Siew Mei Cheung, the director of Christian Action and their amazing organization
- Lydia, Ken, Gracia, and many other social workers from Christian Action, who accompanied Maddie as her legal guardians on her medical trips from China to Hong Kong as well as all her doctors' appointments
Christian Action is an incredible organization and every time I think about what they gave our daughter and our family, I am blown away. They brought Maddie to Hong Kong FIVE times for expensive medical treatment and therapy. They gave her the best care when her biological parents were most likely unable to do so. Maddie’s condition was so severe that the doctors in the region where she was from did not know how to help her, and even her incredible surgeons in Hong Kong were not initially sure they would be able to operate on her when they first assessed her condition. In the three years the organization was her guardian during her stays in Hong Kong, they never failed to provide the best medical treatment they could give. Thanks to the way their organization loves the kids they serve without holding anything back, Maddie can walk. She can move her arms and legs. Today, four months after her arm surgery, she can bring her right hand to her mouth to feed herself, and her arm gets stronger every day. The foot surgery has allowed her to extend her toes fully again so that she can balance and walk better. She can do all these things, because they have loved her as their own and said ‘yes’ so, so many times for her medical needs. I will forever be grateful for the way that they have loved my daughter and our family the way that Jesus loves me. If you would like to learn more or support the work that Christian Action does, you can click here.
The journey to bring Maddie forever home to us would never have been possible had it not been for our big God and for the many friends and family that loved us, supported us, and prayed for us over the past year. It’s hard to put into words just how thankful we are. They say that it takes a village to raise a child but in our case, we felt like it took a village to adopt a child! Our journey to bring Maddie home was not an easy one and I gained a lot of white hair, but our daughter will know just how hard we worked and longed to bring her home and how her Abba Father was there to make it all happen every single step of the way. Whenever there were moments of discouragement, God always provided what we needed. Sometimes it was a Christian Action social worker sending me a picture of Maddie the same day we received discouraging news, and other times it was God showing us that he could turn a ‘no’ into a ‘yes’. Through the Christ like love of so many people that have loved our dear Maddie, she is healthy, happy, and the most inquisitive and friendly three year old you’ll ever meet. She has a smile that tells of how much she has been and is loved. We love her so very much and are so happy that God brought her home to us. We serve an incredible, powerful, yet tender and compassionate God.
Thank you, Abba Father, that I get to get to be your daughter and for bringing Maddie home. (Galatians 4:4-7)
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